so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
