my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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