; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
