I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
