dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
