she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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