Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize