it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
