remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!