He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dating After Heartbreak
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.