I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.