We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.