just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...