I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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