When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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