Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
