just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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