Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish you could order shots online.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
