Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
