Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
