If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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