I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
