first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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