He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
