You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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