help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
