it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
