She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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