hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
