My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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