He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
