My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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