remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
