i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
