i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
