I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
