Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
