Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't put those talents on a resume
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
