Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
