I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
