I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
