i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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