I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
