Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
