A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
