You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
