I CAN MOONWALK!
I can text with my tongue
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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