i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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