party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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