Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
