Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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