Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
