belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
