I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
