forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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