I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
