Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
