Cold hands, warm shart.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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