woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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