i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize