Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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