I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize