I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
