How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He better not be in your backpack
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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