she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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