He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
