Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
