2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
