I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
