Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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