I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
