My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
