I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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