I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize