he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
